It's not in my hands... thank goodness

(this is a week later than I started writing it)
This past week I played hostess to a team of broadcast and communications guys from headquarters. Before they arrived, I was really unsure of all it would entail. I started to figure it out pretty quickly. On Friday of the previous week, they hit the ground running and I took off running with them. My goal was for their time here to be as productive as possible. This is the time for them to be able to see and show others what is going on here in the Philippines. In my head, it just felt like the pressure was on to direct them to the right places and the right people.

By the time Monday came, I had already seen so many plans made and remade. I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed as things fell through and shifted and completely changed directions. To me, it felt like failure, and it doesn't take much getting to know me to learn how I feel about failure. In short, I don't like it.

Thankfully, I was sent a great encourager in one of the communications guys. He kept reminding me that God will work things out how he wants them, and that doesn't necessarily mean how things were planned. This can be a difficult lesson for me. I feel like with each year that passes, I become more and more of a planner. What I was after was success, and I didn't feel like I was being successful. Isn't that how God works a lot of times though? When we want to be successful, and prove how great we are, God allows things to change a bit. It has to do with trust and humility.

Why is it that over and over again we have to learn trust and humility? We must learn that things are not always in our control.

I like control, but this week I was reminded that actually, it's way better that things are not always in my hands, but in bigger, much more capable hands. For that, I am thankful.

Faves of the Philippines 3

Faces of the Philippines 2

MONDAY

At the very word, everyone knows what I mean. I don’t even have to go into what all Mondays entail for me, you already know a few things, just by the mention of the day:

1.      The weekend is over
2.      The weekend was not long enough
3.       Hello email inbox FULL of things that need to be taken care of
4.      Task list full of things that need to be checked off this week… especially TODAY
5.      MONDAY

On this blessed day, this day in which stress takes on a whole new meaning, this day in which I’m sure the number of grey hairs on my head is increasing exponentially: Monday, I find myself bombarded with encouragement.

Surprised?

Not as surprised as me, I’m sure. In the morning alone I received:

1.  A carving of a Caribao and note reminding me of sweet memories from a weekend of playing with kids in the rain. A fantastic reminder of why I’m here and how blessed I am in so many ways.
2.  A message of encouragement from my best friend. Being far away from anyone is a test of the relationship. You find out more about who you are, the depths of your relationship, and what they mean to you.  Some relationships fizzle out, and some grow even stronger than before.  
3. A message from another friend full of understanding, reminders of home and encouragement.

I’m so thankful for the encouragement today. It’s had such a calming effect and has really fought the Monday blues. Whenever they come, I look up at Phil (my water buffalo) and smile.

Faces of the Philippines 1

Perspective Shift: Distributions and Newcomers

Sitting down and writing your thoughts and feelings on life and situations around you seems simple… until you try to do it. I don’t think I have the knack for blogs. Sometimes you just don’t feel like you have anything significant to say. Or at least, that’s how I feel about it.

Each week is a busy one. After a couple of long days in the office a couple of weeks ago, I finally wrapped some tasks up that had been keeping me in the office instead of out in the field. With that taken care of on Tuesday, I spent the rest of the week out with the programs. (This means out with the people.)

One day, I was out with the shelter team while they were distributing kits. I've been to shelter kit distributions before, and they are always bustling with activity and generally exciting. This distribution was different though, and it really struck a new chord with me. My focus is typically on rebuilding and it is exciting. These families are receiving shelters, and long awaited supplies at that. I usually think of these distributions as such a big step forward. But at this distribution, there was an ever present reminder of devastation.

The distribution took place on a road that had been blocked off for repair. So, it was a very active area with people and vehicles swirling around at every turn. In the split of the road there was a little median area. I had noticed previously that there were graves there. It reminded me of St. Kitts, an island in the Caribbean where I went on my first international mission trip. I was young, and it was my first experience out of the United States. I had never seen a graveyard in the middle of the road before then. So, when I saw the graves here, I didn't think much of it.

During the distribution, one of our staff commented on the graves, and I learned that these graves were all people who had died because of Yolanda.

That hit me.

I walk streets of damage. I see destruction every day. I've gotten used to it. I know there is loss involved. I hear the stories of our staff who talk about loss and pain. I see the tears shed when they share about their experiences. A part of working here is learning what to focus on. The Philippine people have shown an amazing ability to move forward and not be crippled by the pain and the loss they have suffered. But, while they are not broken by their experience, they are still affected. There is still emotion and recovery going on inside of each person, just like there is still recovery going on with rebuilding homes and livelihoods.

As new people arrive to the Philippines, I hear comments on how they see so much damage-more evidence of destruction than they were expecting. In general, the international community has forgotten about the Typhoon. There have been many more disasters and international incidents since November to take attention away form the Philippines. Hearing the reactions of those who are new to Leyte reminds me, just like seeing the distribution by the graves, of the environment in which I am working.  I cannot do my job well if I walk around emotional all of the time. I also cannot do my job well or take advantage of opportunities around me if I do not have any emotional connection at all.

My prayer for myself and my team is that while we work hard to meet physical needs here, we will also stay sensitive to the ways in which we can also assist in the emotional and Spiritual healing that is taking place all around us.